THEIR REBELLION WAS, INDEED, LEGENDARY.
oh my fuck this is the best thing ever. I can’t—
Laughing until I died.
Precious perfect.
OH MY FUCK.
This is legitimately all I wanted from the last update, ngl
This is legitimately part of my headcanon now. The Condesce finds the usual method of human procreation revolting. They were rebelling against the Condesce. B1!Dave has a history of crushing on momtraps and sistertraps. Dirk thinks that B2!Dave is his genetic ancestor and B2!Rose is Roxy’s genetic ancestor, neither of them know that B2!Rose and B2!Dave are related, and B2!Rose and B2!Dave probably didn’t know they were related either.
I am completely, 100% serious when I say that, IMO, B2!Rose and B2!Dave probably hooked up and Dave will flip the fuck out when he discovers their canonical accidental Dersecest. As for Rose, she’d probably think it’s hilarious and tease Dave about it.
Anonymous asked ahpoordogsbody:if you are an awful homestuck, I’m much worse :3 what do you mean with the morbid corvid theory?
’s not a theory
i just noticed that andrew appropriated a powerful symbol from one of the most famous poems in the english language, samuel taylor coleridge’s “the rime of the ancient mariner”.
its not like andrew hasnt referred to other works before:
— from Peter Pan, especially the film “Hook”, we get the croc clock and “Tick tock: the sounds said to accompany the demise of the tyrant less an arm and an eye” (captain hook isn’t missing an eye, but an eyepatch is part of the pirate archetype). Doc Scratch is Smee, at least in stature and rank. Then theres all the overt references to Rufio; Tavros looking up to “Pupa Pan”, etc.
— Jade’s Witch of Space outfit is ripped from the most famous film adaptation of “The Wizard of Oz”. This is acknowledged in the text: “pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, or anything out here in the emerald shitty paintjob”.
— Vriska died in the same way as the guy from the “put the bunny back in the box” scene in “Con Air”. Theres also a bomb in that movie that looks exactly like the Tumour, but i cant remember what scene it was in (i havent watched it)
— Lord English resembles the Incredible Hulk
— Egyptian mythology. Vriska is Serket, Jack Noir is Anubis, Lord English is Osiris; Rose, Roxy and GCat may have some association with Bastet.
and thats not counting all the little bits of culture that have been redefined and tightly woven into the story. The western Zodiac is repurposed and there’s an in-story explanation for it (the trolls created our universe). Betty Crocker is the pseudonym of a genocidal empress — this fits really well because the meaning of the colour red in troll culture had already been established (vriska’s red boots, karkat’s irresistably attractive blood). The rainbow is no longer a symbol of God’s promise to humanity; it represents indiscriminate bloodshed, and this is tied up with Gamzee’s stoner shtick (spreading a rainbow between his hands)
this is why i loathe the single throwaway “arrested development” reference in act 6 (“poppop in the attic”)
andrew already wrote a big thing on formspring about how he simultaneously mocks and celebrates shitty art so im not going to bother talking about juggalos
oh yeah and all of homestuck is an homage to earthbound
OH YEAH and jade is the hindu goddess shakti (in addition to being basically every fertility goddess ever). she’s associated with creation through her passion for horticulture; later she helps create a universe. then theres the “dream up extra arms” thing, and her stylized arm movements in “Cascade”; the way her body becomes a portal to the green sun is powerfully yonic. i dont think andrew intended that, though.
EDIT the autoresponder is hal from stanley kubricks 2001 a space odyssey
EDIT 2 how could i forget through the looking-glass (cheshire cat, red queen) duhhhhh
EDIT 3 featherwriter asked ahpoordogsbody:
Other outside Homestuck references: I found this one out tonight. “HOW THEY EXACT THEIR POUND OF FLESH” on page ?s=6&p=006173 is a reference to Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice!
yes this too! though “pound of flesh” has become a common idiom in english, like “albatross around the neck”; its not necessarily invoking any deeper allusion to the play.
Andrew Hussie’s definitely aware of the symbolism of Jade’s mysterious portal. He milked it for comedy here:
jade and dave sprite both say hi and send their best wishes. but now jade says i have to finish quickly! she wants me to throw this bucket and its heartfelt payload through her mysterious portal. so here i go.
But it seems pretty unlikely that he was taking that into account way back when he established that Becquerel can turn his body into a portal in Act 3.
HAHA
AND Y’ALL THOUGHT FEFERI’S WAS SCARY
AHAHAHAHAWOW……..
that is
a LOT of troll dicks
a lot of them.
i like how the summoner’s is kinda stretching out so it looks as big as GHB’s, we see what you’re doing dude, come on.
also, this reaction is necessary:
JESUS DICK THE GRAND HIGHBULGE IS THE SIZE OF A NORMAL PERSON’S ARM.
I’M NOT SURPRISED BUT LIKE
CHRIST
OH MAN I WAS WONDERING WHERE YOU WENT ;;
but buahauha, yes, summoner, stop that, your tricks just aren’t working. >:(
headcanon:
GHB could legitimately punch someone with his bonebulge foR A ONE HIT K.O.
uh, not GHB, but…
KJSLDHJSAD
OMHYGODOG MY GOD
GAMZEE
OH MY GOD
PUT KARKAT DOWN SON
D—> E%quisite
UwwwU
ipgd:
For anyone who thinks nature is kawaii and sugoi, heres proof that it can be even more cold and messed up as we are. ^_______________^”””
What’s that last one?
lol oh my god
andrei i love you
O_o
Lol, great parodies!
As for the whole Humon controversy….
She seems to be ahead of the curve, but that doesn’t make her some kind of infallible saint of social justice, she should be held to the same standards as anyone else. That said, in western culture, there is this pervasive, frequently unchallenged narrative that traditional 1950s heteronormative gender roles are natural, correct, civilized, moral and universal. This narrative contributes to a cultural climate in which a bigot can assert that queerness is a depraved human invention, an abomination with no precedent in nature, and not get laughed out of the room. This narrative contributes to a cultural climate in which a misogynist can insist that feminism is unnatural, unhealthy, a threat to human civilization and be taken seriously. Sometimes nature’s gruesome, sometimes it’s adorable, Humon’s five cartoons of implicitly straight cis anthropomorphized animals don’t say anything which hasn’t already been before, but they still challenge the “natural” and “universal” parts of that narrative. Andrei’s parodies challenge the narrative from another direction, attacking the “natural and universal = correct, moral and good, therefore unnatural = incorrect, immoral and bad” part of that narrative. (Bluh bluh, yada yada, death of the author.)
(trigger warning for police brutality)
FRESNO, Calif. (CN) - Fresno police drowned a man by Tasering and hogtying him, then sticking a garden hose “onto (his) face and mouth” when he pleaded for water, the man’s two children claim in Federal Court.
The two minor children, I.R. and H.R., claim that in the summer of 2011 Fresno police restrained their father, Raul Rosas, at a friend’s house while responding to a domestic disturbance call.
The children say their father was not armed and “had not committed a crime.”
After an altercation with a John Doe officer, police pepper-sprayed Rosas and then Tasered him a “countless number of times,” the complaint states.
The children claim their father was Tasered “for eight to ten more minutes,” then he was “hogtied with his ankles tied to his handcuffs behind his back.”
The complaint continues: “Decedent was then slammed onto a table in the residence’s backyard face down. An officer was observed with his knee on decedent’s back while decedent was hogtied, handcuffed, and face down.
“Decedent stated that he couldn’t breathe and that he needed water; an officer ran water from a hose onto decedent’s face and mouth to the point of making it more difficult for decedent to breathe. Decedent tried to move his mouth away from the water and gasp for air. A witness yelled ‘He can’t breathe, you’re drowning him,’ but the officer continued running water over decedent’s face.
“After turning the water off, the Doe Officer(s) continued to press his knee against decedent’s back and continued to put pressure on it. Witnesses repeatedly asked officers to let decedent get up because he couldn’t breathe, but their cries for help were ignored.
“By now there were in excess of 15 deputies and officers on the scene.
“After some time passed, decedent had clear spit bubbles coming out of his mouth.
“Witnesses yelled at officers that decedent was not breathing and pointed to the clear spit bubbles but again were ignored. Doe officer claimed decedent was ‘faking it.’”
“Officers, after much pleading from witnesses, checked decedent’s pulse and discovered he had stopped breathing after not feeling anything when they touched decedent’s neck.
“Decedent had his handcuffs taken off and was untied and placed on his back on the ground. After some time had passed, an officer started doing chest compressions but none of the officers administered mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to the decedent. Ultimately a witness at the scene administered CPR to decedent.
“Some time later, an ambulance arrived and took over trying to revive decedent.”
Rosas’ children are represented by Brian Claypool of Pasadena.
They seek punitive damages for wrongful death, unreasonable search and seizure, due process violations, supervisory liability, negligence, battery, and violation of the Bane Act.Seriously… right in front of his children, they murdered him. Cops get off on this type of abuse. They love it. These stories just reinforce my hatred for police.
Signal boost!
help every time I try to write sexy Jane dialogue I either start laughing or get grossed out
because my strategy for writing normal Jane dialogue is “can I envision someone’s grandma saying this if she were transplanted into the body of a teenager?”
And it doesn’t help that most of the “sexy older woman” type characters are closer to Roxy / Ms. Lalonde territory. Perhaps you should ask yourself questions such as “Can I envision a young lady saying this on a show set in the fifties?” or “If a teenage girl from the roaring twenties was transported into the 21st century, could I envision her saying this?”. Characters such as Daphne, Velma, Babe Bennet, Edith Prickley, Janet Weiss or Agent 99 seem like they’d be good sources of inspiration. I haven’t seen Mad Men, but it seems like it’d also be a great source of inspiration.
mostlysilly replied to your post: I honestly don’t care about it that much this…omg Green Porn is gr8 and Isabella Rosselini is gr10Exactly.
people who can’t appreciate isabella rosselini and green porno should stop being my friend
WTF is green porno?
> Look it up on Wikipedia.

Wow, it sounds like Dr. Tatiana’s Sex Advice to All Creation with more sex and less music. I think I’m furry for Isabella Rosselini.
(Source: charlesherbertbest)
SHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSHOTS
This Should Be The Other Way Around But Otherwise
Hey look! Another sexy Roxy askblog! UwwwU
> Follow.
As I’ve said, TDS has had some issues covering the Trayvon Martin case. But this bit was spot-on. Yeah, uh, the “victim theme/meme” tends to happen when an unarmed kid is shot in cold blood, and then police and the shooter lie about the circumstances, and the state refuses to arrest the shooter. -Jess
I am genuinely shocked and disgusted that this sort of thing is actually happening in 21st century America.
Roxy really loves her pussy.
Roxy loves to stroke her pussy.
And she strokes it wide and carefully, like it will fall appart without the sweetness of her touch.
Roxy loves the way her pussy twitches when she touches it.
And she loves the sounds her pussy makes, so soft.
Roxy loves her pussy.
She loves to leave her pussy content, stroking the right spots again and again.
She loves to curl up in bed and pet it for hours.
And she pets and pets.
She can completly forget about the world when she’s stroking her pussy.
And her pussy’s hair is so curly, wrapping around her fingers when she touches it.
And she whispers “You are good. You are such a good kitty”
And she lays in bed for hours, day and night.
Only her and her pussy.
Her pussy’s hair is midnight black, so fancy.
Roxy really loves Frigglish.

Lol. ::3
(Source: naesnark)
Well, if you’re gay, then you can’t use my sexuality as a plaything, so you should stop shipping Straight parings. I thought love wasn’t about sexuality
implying that straight people are in any way marginalized and fetishized the way gay people are
go jump off a bridge you imbecilic tool :)
Did you see the OP’s steaming pile of essentialist bullshit? It’s pretty deep into Poe’s Law territory, maybe the OP’s a troll, maybe the OP’s using angry hyperbole, maybe the OP’s being completely serious, for the purposes of discussion, I’m going to take the OP’s premise seriously.
The OP is basically saying that straight authors and female authors shouldn’t even try to write about gay male characters. That even the world’s most talented and diligent authors are so fucking myopic that, if they are not themselves gay males, they are not only virtually guaranteed to fuck up any attempts at writing gay male characters, but guaranteed to fuck it up in a hurtful and offensive manner. He’s pretty much saying that queer erasure is the lesser of two evils because everyone who isn’t a gay man is a fucking moron. I mean what the fuck? We’re talking about people with different genders, sexual orientations and social backgrounds, not frakkin’ starfish aliens. I shouldn’t have to explain why that sort of essentialist attitude is problematic.
People of all genders and sexual orientations can and do write shitty fanfic. Naga Eyes and Within the Father are pretty fucking awful, but I’ve also read equally terrible femslash and hetfic. I’ve read shitty fanfic with obvious clues about the author’s gender and / or sexual orientation, and shitty fanfic in which they’re ambiguous. But I’ve also read quite a bit of good fiction with romantic storylines in which the author’s gender and sexual orientation are not obvious.
Also, personally, as a male bisexual, I’m concerned about about bisexual erasure, and offended by the perpetuation of really nasty stereotypes, such as “depraved bisexual”. Queer bishie schlick bait doesn’t bother me, honestly, I get a little giddy when I spot slashy ship teasing on shows like Buffy, Angel, Doctor Who and Supernatural, and I’m more than a little bothered by the anti-yaoi backlash which seems to erupt whenever there’s another hint that one of the dudes in Homestuck might not be entirely straight. Personally, I feel safer in fandoms with large numbers of slashers, since I won’t be alone when I tell homophobes to fuck off (also, yaoi fangirls tend to be pretty hostile toward heteronormativity and traditional gender roles).
TL;DR: I agree that there is quite a bit of terrible, offensive, hurtful yaoi and slashfic out there, but I don’t think it’s inherently problematic for straight women to write smutfic about dudes boning.
(Source: unpopular-hs-opinions)
Soon to be brought to WP store.
hi new followers
I thought this would be relevant for filialpail lolo;lakdsjf
I’m just going to stand here and figure out what the fuck I just reblogged.
even when i tilt my head i cant figure out what you reblogged either
When I saw “zero tolerance”, I immediately thought of Terezi and Redglare. I’m just imagining that the porn on the DVD has Redglare doing some really kinky legislacerator-themed BSDM with troll-sized scalemates like a troll version of Bro Strider.
A quick search of the room reveals two things. Firstly, there is an entrance to the vent system in the wall closest to the door. Secondly, Feferi clearly hasn’t read through the EVIL OVERLORD LIST, because the vent shaft is easily big enough for the three of you to squeeze into. Sollux elects to go last, the given reason being that he doesn’t want “the ladiie2 2tariing at my a22 the whole tiime”. Nepeta climbs in first, wriggling up into the shaft and scooching forward to make room for you. You quickly follow her and find yourself staring at a FACEFUL OF NEPETA ASS, which is barely concealed by her loincloth. It isn’t too bad a sight, you think.
Yay! Another Gnymphoquest update!
Nepeta shooshes you and indicates that Feferi is talking to someone. The voice is male – crisp, and clean, but with an odd tone that you can’t quite describe. It’s almost as though it is being distorted so that it is made more clear instead of less.
Oh no! She’s got the Condesce and Doc Scratch as mentors? That explains why she’s been pursuing romance like some kind of hentai supervillain.
>Rose: Have a snack.
NAME RETRACTED’s massive phallus is quite tempting. As an experiment, you decided to SNACK on some of her delicious looking GREEN APPLE PRE CUM. You’ve never tasted TROLL FLUIDS before, so this is going to be a totally new experience for you…
Heh, Kanaya has delicious green apple troll fluids and Rose has delicious candy red human fluids. UwwwU